Drunken Lullabies
by Problem Child1
Summary: Chapter 14 and 15 up. Romantic Comedies and Finn's Failed Pick-Up Lines Pt. I
1. Meta

Disclaimer: Amy and Daniel Palladino, along with the rest of the WB, own Gilmore Girls. I'm just borrowing the characters. Flogging Molly owns "Drunken Lullabies."

A/N: I like drabbles. Drabbles make me happy. Hence, drabbles a-plenty! I'll get back to writing my stories… eventually… haha. Oh well. Until then! So, basically, the title really has nothing to do with the stories, but it's the song I'm listening to, and hopefully it catches people's attention. Cheers!

**Meta**

"So how about-?"

"No."

"But what about-?"

"No."

"With the-?"

"Yeah."

Lorelai leaned back against her sofa dramatically. "This sucks," she pouted to her daughter. "All the good shows got cancelled."

"Back to TVLand."


	2. Rule Number Seven

**Rule Number Seven**

Rule number seven in the Gilmore Handbook of Survival was this: never date a guy more than twelve years your senior.

When Lorelai was 26, she dated a very nice 38 year old man. He was handsome and charming and paid for everything. She met him in the grocery store when they hit it off after a heated debate about the merits of Fruity Pebbles.

On their seventh or eighth date (she can never remember), after a few too many drinks, this man admitted a slight penchant for being called "daddy."

The last time Lorelai saw him was five minutes later, when she was hurrying out the door.


	3. Casual Observer

**Casual Observer**

To the casual observer, Gypsy and Andrew looked just like two friends walking home together. Neither was dressed too impressively. They just walked along the gazebo, talking, but barely touching.

But Ms. Patty was not the casual observer. She saw moments and touches that no one else did.

"Babette!" She was almost shaking with excitement. This was better than Luke and Lorelai. "I've got gossip that'll knock the socks off East-Side Tilly!"


	4. Maybe A Girl

**Maybe A Girl**

Dave sighed as the drummer stormed out. "We're giving Spinal Tap a run for their money for as many drummers as we've been through."

"Maybe if you didn't keep running them out," Zach snapped.

"He didn't know Rush!"

"I don't know Rush!"

"You know Rush," Dave assured him.

"You don't sound like Rush, though," Brian informed him.

Zach turned to glare at him. "Shut up." He looked back at Dave. "We don't sound like Rush, man. This is the fourth drummer you've driven away. What gives?"

"None of them were good."

"Dude, they were fine."

"That's it!" Brian exclaimed. "Maybe he needs to be a she!"

Zach held up a hand. "Dude, I don't have time to grapple with your sexual orientation."

Dave sighed again. "We'll find the perfect drummer."


	5. Room Mates

**Room Mates**

Stephanie pounded on the bathroom door. "I know you're in there, Finn!"

"Caught me fair and square, love," he called back.

"Give me my hair dryer," she whined, stopping Colin as he walked by her so she could straighten his tie. He kissed her on the forehead and continued to the kitchen.

"I'm serious, Finn!"

"I am too, Stephie. My hair is being completely unreasonable."

"I will break down this goddamn door!"

"That's not very nice. What did the door ever do to you?"

Stephanie almost growled in frustration. She began to jiggle the handle violently until Finn opened the door. In the nude. "You really didn't have to go through all that trouble, darling. If you really want to see me naked, you know all you have to do is ask."

She resisted the urge to beat him to death with the hair dryer that she was reclaiming. "I'm changing the locks on my bedroom door. Again."

"You can't stop true love!"


	6. I Hate Everyone Hermits

AN: To my dear friend, going under the pen name "Bookworms," I did send it to you, but I had no patience for your reply. Sorry! Hope you like it anyway! Oh, and the lyrics that inspired this song, which suit my version of Colin more than anything, are by the fantastic band Get Set Go. And, for the record, I don't hate everyone. Only my version of Colin does.

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**  
I Hate Everyone (Hermits)**

Colin had a general distaste for the human population. Except that that was the biggest understatement of the year. Colin hated everyone. Hated, absolutely loathed, with maybe four exceptions. And even they bugged him most of the time.

He often thought about becoming a hermit. Living in the woods, far from idiotic drivers and walkers and shoppers and every other person? Perfection. Only a select few – preferably hot women willing to sleep with him – allowed.

Which completely defeated the purpose of being a hermit.

Stupid, fucking, celibate hermits with their alluring fucking lifestyles. Seriously, Colin hated everyone. Everyone.

_I bet you think I'm kidding,  
But I promise you it's true,  
I hate most everyone, but most of all,  
I hate, oh I hate you._

-"I Hate Everyone" by Get Set Go


	7. The Ol' College Try

**The Ol' College Try**

"Look on the bright side," Finn suggested as he downed a mojito. "We're closer to Australia than we were a week ago, which is always a plus."

"We are completely fucked, and you're making jokes?" Logan asked incredulously.

"Are you callin' Australia a joke, mate?" Finn counted. He lowered his sunglasses and tossed his drink to the side as he towered over his best friend.

Stephanie stepped between the two, ignoring the obvious ogling from Finn. She was hot, she knew it, and she didn't need a horny drunk to reassure her. "Chill, boys. Arguing isn't going to help any."

"You know what will help me, love?" Finn purred as he raked his eyes over her bikini clad body.

"If the word 'quickie' leaves your mouth at any point, I'm going to punch you in the face or something equally distressing," she threatened.

He held up his hands in surrender. "Fine, we'll go slow, pet, all you had to do was ask."

"Make him stop," she whined to Logan.

Logan shrugged. "I would if I could, but your bikini looks like strategically placed dental floss, and you know how much string turns Finn on."

"I would like to thank the three of you for your moving performances," Colin congratulated sarcastically. "It's successfully distracted us from the fact that we are currently stranded in motherfucking Fiji!"

"We just need to figure out a way of getting back without my father killing us," Logan reasoned.

Finn raised an eyebrow. "'We?'"

Logan nodded and continued, "We did crash his yacht, after all."

Finn almost laughed. "Again with this 'we' stuff. You sank his yacht. You were driving, you hit the coral reef by getting too close to the shore, and you are the one fucked, my love."

Stephanie stepped between them before another fight could break out. "Look, we have two options: face the music or live it up here for a while until this all blows over back home and they have another scandal to gossip about."

Six months later, refreshed, rejuvenated, and very much not fucked, the quartet returned to the loving arms of Hartford society, ready to give another year at Yale the ol' college try, so to speak.


	8. Cliques

**Cliques**

Jess never really fit in anywhere. He never had a clique he fit in with. He listened to ska, but didn't skank. He wore black, but wasn't a goth. He read avidly, but wasn't a bookworm. He worked for a living, but wasn't blue-collar. He drank, but wasn't an alcoholic. And so on and so forth.

Rory once suggested that he form his own clique – the Jess. He laughed, slightly. She had always made him laugh. He didn't know how he felt about having a whole bunch of kids out there acting like him. He didn't know how he felt about him acting like him.

Surprisingly, he found Venice Beach quite enjoyable.


	9. Lies Disney Told Me

**Lies Disney Told Me**

Stephanie hated Disney.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. Some of their movies were pretty fucking hilarious. Her favorite was The Little Mermaid. She wished to be a fish. Or at least to live in a badass castle like that. What she hated was the image Disney portrayed. The one that said women could find their Prince Charming or something clichéd like that and fall in love and live happily ever after.

Every reasonable adult knew that not only did relationships take a lot of work, you rarely ever found your Prince Charming, and when you did, it took more than a few days, or even a few months to fall in love. Love involved fully trusting your partner, knowing everything about them, getting past the lust stage and onto the companionate stage, where you knew their faults and they knew yours and were still okay with it. To truly love someone took about a year, if you were one of the lucky ones.

And that's how being a Psychology major ruined her perspective on love, and especially on Disney.


	10. Sports

**Sports**

Tristan never failed to piss off his dad. According to his dad, that was the only thing he didn't fail at. He didn't do well enough academically, he stole too much, he partied too much… It got to the point that instead of random drug testing, his dad had him randomly tested for STIs. It was embarrassing, actually.

The time he pissed off his dad the most (and secretly his crowing achievement) was the summer before junior year when he informed his father that he wouldn't be returning to crew.

"Do you ever get off your lazy ass anymore and play any sort of sport?" his father bellowed. "You've dropped every sport you've ever played, no commitment to anything."

"I play sports, dad," Tristan replied.

"Oh really? Please, inform me of the sport that you haven't given up on."

Tristan crossed his arms over his chest and smirked at his father. "I'll have you know that I own at beer pong."


	11. Baltic With Crap

**11. Baltic With Crap**

"This must be what hell is like," Rory commented.

"I'm pretty sure hell is more forgiving than this," Logan replied.

Rory sighed and shifted her attention to Doyle. "How do you put up with this?"

"I can be the same way," he informed her smugly.

"Some of us actually don't have to work on putting up with our significant others, Gilmore," Paris snapped. "Pay up."

Reluctantly, Rory handed over the money. Paris smirked as she plucked the orange $500 bill from Rory's hand. "I thought you learned your lesson from Life, but I guess not. Gellars always win at board games."


	12. Fight For Your Right

**Fight For Your Right**

Louise didn't choose Sarah Lawrence. Her parents chose it for her. She wanted to go somewhere warm, somewhere party worthy. She even had a list made out of all the places she wanted to go. There was UCSB, Boulder, U of A (even if she had heard all the rumors about Tucson), and SMU – just to name a few.

But her parents insisted that she go to a respectable school that would be sure to give her a good education. Didn't they know that she was the girl who would marry the rich guy? Her life wasn't all about them.

They wouldn't even let her apply to those schools. So she hid the applications, and silently stared at each acceptance letter she got in the mail. To the schools she would only be able to dream about.


	13. Earth Intruders

**Earth Intruders**

Lane was a lover of music. That much was obvious. Since she was little, she had always been an appreciator of the arts. Hence, she became a musician.

None of this was new news to anyone. Well, except to her mother. But that was still a few years old. However, she was determined to let her children listen to whatever music they wanted to (unless it was bad). Even at an early age, she tried broadening their music knowledge. Much to Zach's dismay.

"Babe, for the last time, we are not going to have our children listening to Bjork," he complained.

"Zach, there is nothing wrong with exposing them to Bjork," she argued.

He crossed his arms. "Yes, there is. You how I feel about foghorns."


	14. Romantic Comedies

**14. Romantic Comedies**

Lorelai had, in her lifetime, around twelve Valentine's Day dates. At least, standard traditional Valentine's Day dates.

But when were the words "standard and traditional" ever used to describe Lorelai Victoria Gilmore?

Even now, as she sat curled up at Luke's side on the couch, she remembered her favorite Valentine's Day events. Namely, sitting on the same couch eating Twizzlers, and watching crappy comedy-romance movies with her daughter. Though she loved Luke and spending Valentine's Day with him, there was something fun about watching crappy movies with your best friend.


	15. Finn's Failed PickUp Lines Part I

**15. Finn's Failed Pick-Up Lines (Part I)**

"How much does a polar bear weigh?"

Brown eyes shot up to meet green ones. "Excuse me?"

"How much does a polar bear weigh?"

The girl sighed. "I don't know, how much?"

"Enough to break the ice," he replied with a smirk. "My name's Finn, love, what's yours?"

"That was a good pick up line." She played with the straw in her drink. "But I'm not interested, sorry."

"But I have an accent," he almost whined.

She smiled. "I have a boyfriend."

"Lucky bastard," he muttered.


End file.
